I can remember the first time I was aware of my own experience of being the recipient of a fathers love towards his child, I must have been about two or three. We had just visited some people, it was very late and I was quite tired and was being carried across a Scottish plain to our house, I was awake but still, I was in the arms of my father so I pretended being asleep. What child wouldn't want to be held by their father? Later, I remember going to watch 'Return of the Jedi' at the movies, on the way back we went to a shop and my father bought me one of those plastic sweet dispensers with a star wars characters on it, then he lifted me on his shoulders, I will remember that forever!Long story short, I didn't stay with my father in Scotland but was moved to London where my mother was, she had just married a new fella and had already given birth to a son. My next experience of the love of a father was starkly different, not to dramatise this but it was awful, not allowed to eat, sleep or use any facilities, go to school or enjoy any part of my early years. The result of all this meant I was removed via social services to a children s home in Peckham, 212.
My experience of the children s home 212 was also quite bleak in some ways, yes I received protection of sorts and loves of sorts, but I was still having to survive, as their were many older and even more damaged children than I, who were also trying to survive their experiences of the love of a father too. Some would pretend that their father was rich and would come back for them but they had too much work to do, others only pretended it didn't affect them and so put on a huge hard exterior. Others like myself, were simply totally confused to what it was all about, later I would also pretend and deny the harsh reality of my childhood and make up all kinds of stories, about where I came from, who I was and none of it changed or reduced the pain inside. My mother visited and said she would fight for me, she never did, she couldn't, she was just as confused too.
My own experiences of the love of a father provided an intense fear of becoming a father myself, I thought and prayed not to make the same mistakes. I wanted that my son never experience that kind of love, that kind of security that I experienced, because that was neither love or protection.
As you are reading this you may be thinking oh, this is a sob story, well yes it is, but no it is not it's a success story, so keep reading..
There is only one father in my life who has continued persistently to show me love no other father figure has been able too, however competent. He has provided for me in the low times, there have been many (Acts 17:28) (Mt7:11) has counseled me when everyone gave up on me (Jer 3:4) (Ps 73:24) corrected me lovingly (Heb 12:5,6,8,11) redeemed my lost self, innocence purity, hope and joy (Ps 103:8,12-13) has comforted me in the intense pain that I carried around for years (2 Cor 1:3) defended me when everyone said, he will never be anything for he is worthless (ps 91:1-3 And more importantly has been the father I have craved for all the days of my life, how jealous I was of those who knew the love of their earthly fathers, not any more. (2 Cor 6:18)My obvious qualifications as a father do not show any favour at all as my most consistent experiences were only that I was worthless, not lovable, not important but GOD changed the whole thing round and is at this very point giving me the ability and love that my son needs, without him what kind of love could i pass on to him...not love at all, but in Christ I can love, enjoy, give worth and protection to my little boy!
This is a success story
Praise be to GOD!
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